This topic is on my mind for quite a while now. Maybe because its an issue I am still struggling with on a daily basis. The difficulty of asking for help. But why is that so? Why does it feel so damn hard to ask for support?
And are WE giving enough support for those around us? Or are we too busy and tangled up in our own stories that we might not even recognize when something or someone needs our attention. Everything needs to be in balance. But why does it then sometimes feel easier to give then to accept? Thinking about it now, I guess I declined help nearly every single day for the whole last week. And by that I mean, help which was even offered freely without asking for it. So here some examples:
Monday. Chris offered me to rock Maya back to sleep during night time, when I was feeling sick and totally out of my power. My reaction to it: No I think I have to rock her, since she might not fall back to sleep or it might take even longer (even if this would have been the case, why didn`t I give it a shot. Instead I was stubborn, played the mommy card aka I know it better while at the same time gave away my opportunity to get some extra rest. Pretty smart.)
Tuesday. I was walking over to the supermarket when a young man offered me to carry the stroller over the stairs. My reaction to it: Very kind, but thank you I got this (I stumbled fully out of breath)
Wednesday. Shopping again. With the baby strapped around my waist. When the security guard offered me to carry my bags to the car. My reaction: Oh that`s very thoughtful, but I think I can handle it. They aren`t that heavy (oh yeah they were)
Thursday. A friend wanted to invite me for coffee when I said: Oh you don`t have to. I already have the money ready (oh what an excuse)
Friday.There must be somehting?!
Saturday. Chris offered me to give me some ME time to swim or go running. My reaction: Thank you, really appreciate it but I stay with you guys (even if it would have been so needed. Still asking myself why I rejected that one?! )
So replaying this week in my head, lots of questions pop up. When did we start seeing ourself so seperated from the rest of the world and think we have to carry (literally) everything by ourself? Why do we always think asking for it make us look weak? Are we afraid that people might think we can`t handle it by ourself? That we are not strong enough? And why do we automatically assume we bother someone if we ask for a hand? Years and years back this wasn`t the case. And in some countries it`s still not. People living together in villages, communities, tribes.. and EVERYONE is participating in raising the children. The grandma, the aunty, the neighbour, .. maybe that`s where the saying is coming from: It needs a whole village to raise a child! I don`t know, but I do know that its tiring to constantly keep up this facade of being perfect and that I have everything under control. I don`t. And I think nobody does. I think we are just people trying to do our best. And having that in mind, that EVERYONE feels the same, I think it`s completely okay to help each other out. To feel and support one another. To give a hand to a loved one or even a stranger who might be to afraid to ask for it. And being open and present to what`s happening around us, to be able to see where help is needed in the first place. But also allowing and ACCEPTING HELP when it comes along OUR WAY. And also remind ourselves how good it feels to be needed and to have a positive impact on somebody else`s life. Maybe then we are even able to accept help with gratitude rather then aversion and maybe even reply: Oh thank you! That`s exactly what I needed!
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